12 Sex Tips for Disabled People and Their Partners

Historically, disabled people have been stripped of their bodily autonomy and denied freedom of expression, which has sadly included our needs and desires around sex. The media rarely highlights disabled people in sexual or romantic contexts, but that definitely doesn’t mean we don’t want to have those experiences. Many of us do! For a long time, the lack of disabled representation led me to believe sexual pleasure and intimacy was out of bounds for me.

As disabled sex educator Caz Killjoy tells me: "For non-disabled bodies we have many resources where they’re like ‘here, try this new thing.' Disabled people don’t get the same creative sexual prompts and we need them, just like everyone needs them." Finding accessible positions, movements, and toys can involve a lot of trial and error, so here are some tricks and tips learned along the way.

The Power of Creativity

As disabled people we are used to having to be creative to find ways to access things in their everyday lives. Killjoy says: "Disabled people are massively creative; we’ve had to be in order to survive and to access what we need. We can apply that creativity to our sexual lives, which means not limiting ourselves to one brand or something. If you have trouble holding something, get a glove and put tape around it."

Practical Tips for Accessible Intimacy

Get comfy with a back support pillow

One of the most life-changing purchases I have ever made is an innocuous back support pillow. Completely supporting the spine, it pushes your body up towards your partner, allowing for deeper penetration and taking the pressure off you to raise your body entirely alone. You could also try moving a pregnancy support pillow around as you need it, or just whatever pillows and cushions you have already!

Damian Weatherald, a disabled sex educator, advises: "Sex furniture/pillows can be a game changer for some people as it can make penetrative sex more accessible and more comfortable. They can assist someone to get into a position that they normally would not be able to."

Spoon to your heart’s content

Laying side-by-side with a partner offers a low impact intimate experience. Doing a slow grind on one another in this position can be amazing for gradually building unbearable heat.

Flip it upside down

If intimate areas are too far away, try 69ing so that everything is within easy reach. Being closer to each other’s genitalia will give you and your partner more control over your movements too. This is perfect for long, slow exploratory sessions.

Use a chair

Try sitting on your partner’s lap, or vice versa, in a chair or wheelchair. Facing their front or sitting on their lap, this position can be great for anyone that needs to sit down during sex.

Bring in everyday items to heighten the fun

Time to get messy! Explore yourself and your partner with the help of everyday items like blindfolds, melted chocolate, ice, or massage oil. These are perfect for those looking to enjoy themselves without lots of physical exertion.

Summary of Accessible Tools and Positions

Tool / Position	Primary Benefit
Back Support Pillow	Supports the spine and allows for deeper penetration.
Spooning	Low impact experience; builds heat gradually.
69 Position	Keeps everything within easy reach and increases control.
Chair / Wheelchair	Ideal for those who need to remain seated during sex.
Everyday Items	Heightens sensation without heavy physical exertion.

Whilst all sexually active people go on a journey of exploration to learn what feels good for them, disabled people often face several more physical barriers to sex than the average non-disabled person does. Finding what works for your body is a process, but there’s no judge telling you, you can’t, so long as you and your partner(s) are happy.